I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My balls are so social today.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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