honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
