I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
