sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
