one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
