Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
