Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
