Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
