I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
