by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
