You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
