he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
