I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
