I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
