she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
