the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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