Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
