this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
