We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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