i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
