im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
