Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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