I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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