my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
