so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
time to smoke my breakfast
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
