Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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