I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
