hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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