NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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