I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
