Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
