So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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