Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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