pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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