I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
