She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
