So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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