All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
