ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dear god my vagina.
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