When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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