your room smells of hookers.
And success
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
