I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize