what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
