I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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