1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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