You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
