They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
