I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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