what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
