i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
