C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
