My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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