I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
