you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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