Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
