I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
ttyl tear gas
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
