I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
