Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
