I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
