You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
