Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
