Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
