I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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