K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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