respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
