hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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