i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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