so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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