this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sext me about skeletons
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
