Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
