I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
