We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
